My Dad burps: Mom rolls her eyes and says “Disgusting.”

I burp: Mom’s eyes light up and she says “Thank You! Thank You, little man!”

My Dad flatulates: Mom rolls her eyes, lifts a nostril, gives a more adamant “Disgusting” and ejects Dad from the room.

I flatulate: Mom reacts like she’s hearing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata for the first time.

I shall learn to harness the power of this domestic double standard.