There I was sitting naked in the kitchen sink, my bare ass planted in a stainless steel, mesh colander.

My Dad proceeds to lift me from my ankles like a freshly-harvested chicken, he then grabs the spray attachment from the sink and hoses nature’s matter off my waffled rump as if it were mud on a mountain bike.

As I dangle there, hind side exposed, viewing the world up-side-down through the bay window, a few things are going through my head…

1. That colander is used for cooking.
2. This is not my most dignified moment.
3. Hey, it’s the UPS guy. I wonder if he has something for me.

Then I woke up. It was all a strange dream. But not out of the realm of possibility.