I’ve been thinking about what my first words will be. Yes, plural. To blurt out a single, one-syllable word would be so pedestrian.

I want my first words to mean something. After all, I will be symbolically deflowering my vocal chords.

I’m considering something exotic, even pretentious. A word or words that make normal people feel slightly uncomfortable when they use them. Something like “foie gras” or “obfuscate.”

Perhaps I’ll use a combination of fancy words.

“Dad looked quite obfuscated when I requested a dinner of fine cheese and foie gras.”

If I dropped that out of the blue, it’d be Mom who would need a fresh diaper.

I have a while to think about this, so I’m open to suggestions.

PS – “Colloquialism” is not an option.