What are the rules? When someone asks me how old I am, I’m not sure how to answer. I go by days. Mom goes by weeks. And Dad doesn’t know how to read a calendar.

Whatever the rules are, I am hereby changing them. From now on, I will answer with minutes. When someone says “Liam, you are my hero. A true pillar of society. How old are you?”

I will answer with “89,284 minutes.” And shortly thereafter, I will say “89,285 minutes.” And then “89,286 minutes.” This will go on and on until they learn.

What will they learn?

That I make the rules.