Tomorrow, Mother and I will crawl into the belly of a giant mechanical bird and fly South to a Carolina beach for a few days.

Here are some things I’m looking forward to:

1. A break from the stressful daily grind of being an infant.
2. Stocking up on fireworks. (Sold year round in SC)
3. Parasailing.
4. Chick-fil-A.
5. Rockin’ my raisin-smugglin’ Speed-O trunks.
6. Offshore fishing for Mahi Mahi.
7. Seeing lady babies in swimsuits.
8. Wrestling an alligator.
9. “I caught crabs at Myrtle Beach” t-shirt.
10. Skynyrd pumping loud from thousands of Camaros.

Here are some things I’m not looking forward to:

1. Paparazzi at the airport.
2. My ears popping on the plane. I will cry. I’m a baby. Deal with it.
3. Boiled peanuts. Yuck.
4. Sand in my fat rolls.
5. Skynyrd pumping loud from thousands of Camaros.