So I’ve graduated to solid foodstuffs. Although, to call the paste I’m ingesting a “solid” is an insult to all solid matter.

The pro: beef jerky can’t be far behind.

The con: My flatulence has risen to a new level.

Actually, those are both pros.

This is one of those rare instances.

I often use the phrases “What on God’s green Earth?” And “Great gobs of green googly moogly!” And “I’ll have the enchiladas verdes and a virgin margarita with no salt por favor.” And “You betta check yo self before you wreck yo self.”

I’m pretty sure I know what they all mean, and I’m pretty sure that I use these phrases in proper context. BUT, I haven’t been totally clear on the concept of “green” as a color. I understand “green” as an over-used adjective for environmental responsibility, but as a color – I just haven’t had much exposure to it.

Thankfully, that’s changing. I’m beginning to see signs of this intriguing color. My prediction is that I will soon be mowing a green front yard in a matter of weeks.

The daycare that I attend is a house in the woods. It’s a cool place with lots of outdoor space. There’s a chicken coup out back, and on occasion, the yard birds are released to peck about the grounds to their gizzard’s delight.

If and when I catch one, I will either punch it or taste it. Probably both.

I’ve expressed interest in a few different career paths. I’ve mentioned becoming a welder, a break dancer, an illusionist, and most recently a professional elephant puncher. Now, I’m considering a career in the rodeo. Mainly because I have this new saddle, and when placed in it, I like to pretend I’m riding a bucking bronco or a bull.

There are several aspects of being a rodeo rider that I find appealing:

1. The work shift is only seven seconds long.
2. I would get to wear chaps. (But I’ll probably do this no matter what career I pursue.)
3. I would enjoy a diet consisting exclusively of coliseum corn dogs and funnel cake.

I can think of only one drawback, but it’s a doozy: rodeo clowns. Man, those things creep me out. My guess is that rodeo clowns are the direct result of carnies having babies with mimes.

And that is just disturbing. And all kinds of wrong.