I’ve expressed interest in a few different career paths. I’ve mentioned becoming a welder, a break dancer, an illusionist, and most recently a professional elephant puncher. Now, I’m considering a career in the rodeo. Mainly because I have this new saddle, and when placed in it, I like to pretend I’m riding a bucking bronco or a bull.

There are several aspects of being a rodeo rider that I find appealing:

1. The work shift is only seven seconds long.
2. I would get to wear chaps. (But I’ll probably do this no matter what career I pursue.)
3. I would enjoy a diet consisting exclusively of coliseum corn dogs and funnel cake.

I can think of only one drawback, but it’s a doozy: rodeo clowns. Man, those things creep me out. My guess is that rodeo clowns are the direct result of carnies having babies with mimes.

And that is just disturbing. And all kinds of wrong.