There’s something in the Second Amendment that has me troubled:

“…the right of the people to keep and arm bears shall not be infringed.”

So not only do I have to be on the lookout for bears that want to steal my salmon, I also have to assume they’re all packin’ heat. That’s why I had to administer a stranglehold on this grizzly and pat him down for weapons.

Then I put his entire face in my mouth. A wresting match ensued. It was declared a draw.