Wait, I mean I rule and drool. It seems the first announcement of chiclet growth was premature, but now I’m definitely teething. Or, fanging, if you will.

I’m expelling so much saliva, I’m worried about dehydration. To prevent this, I will begin a steady intake of Mountain Dew. At least two liters per day.

Also, my clothes are constantly damp, which is irritating. So I think I’ll just go unitard/diaperless and freeball it for a while. So if you see a saliva geyser with full-body fat rolls, frolicking naked with a giant bottle of bright green soda pop – that’ll probably be me. Feel free to say hello.